Tonight I'm going to go to a party as a single person for the first time in twenty-seven years. It feels very strange. I'm suddenly worried about what I will wear and how I will look to strangers. It will be a mixed group of singles and married couples and most of them will be strangers. Eeek!
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Last night I walked into my kitchen and had the oddest feelings. I wondered who I was and how did I end up in this house. I had lived in my previous house, the one I still own with my husband, for over twenty years.
Now, I live in another house at the end of a lovely tree-lined street.
Now, I'm not the married woman I have been for so long.
Now, I don't know what comes next.
Even though my marriage was difficult and horrible, it was a familiar difficult and horrible. Today, I feel excited and energized about the future, but I also feel nervous and worried about the future. Part of me feels like a very young teenager wondering what I will be and do when I grow up. Ten years ago I would never have guessed that I'd feel this way again.