Ha ha ha ha haaaa

You won't believe what happened to me today....

Some random dude at the Whole Foods Market asked for my phone number. Bwaaa haaa haaa haaa!  

When I first walked into the store, he told me I looked familiar and asked if my name was Cindy. I said no. Later on, when I was checking out, I ended up behind the same guy in the line. I couldn't help myself and asked him how tall he is. The guy said that he's 4'30".

I guess the fact that I was able to do the mental math impressed him and as he was getting finished, he introduced himself asked for my number. I gave it to him (mainly because I have these cute little cards that only have my name, cell phone number, and email address).

I refrained from telling him that I have an insane ex-husband, more children than a normal person could imagine, and that I'm probably ten years older than he is. I'll probably never hear from him, but it made me feel good. I laughed all the way home. 

Tee hee.

I knew this was coming

There's an issue that I knew was going to pop up at some point. And this problem has arrived.

It's about that whole "Chaste" thing. Yes, I am still living a lifestyle of purity. It's just that I have started to notice that I am a woman again.

To be perfectly honest, I miss sex. Yeah. A lot. Some days are worse than others.

During the last several years of my marriage, my sex life was pretty ho-hum. When the relationship is bad, you don't exactly want to spend a lot of time doing that with the jerk. I was depressed. And I had some health problems that were causing a lot of joint pain and muscle aches.

Today, my health is better than it has been in years. I'm not in constant pain any more. I'm no longer depressed. In fact, I'm pretty cheerful most of the time. I think it helps that I haven't heard a peep out of my ex-husband since the end of September. So now my sex drive is back, but I'm single.

I know that my children are watching how I handle my sexuality. I always taught them that sex is a wonderful gift, but it's for marriage. They expect me to practice what I preach. I expect me to practice what I preach.

I hope to marry again someday which means that dating is in my future.

I'm already thinking about where the boundaries should be.

Six Months

As of today, I have been divorced for six months.

Wow.

Three years ago I was in a terrible marriage. In October of 2008 my then-husband asked me to meet him at our marriage counselor's office because he had something he wanted to tell me. When I got there, he told me he was moving out of the house.

That first separation was short, but when he came back home the marriage descended into a hellish pit. By the time I asked him to move out again in August of 2009 I was a wreck. I was on two anti-depressants and barely surviving.

Today, I feel like I have been given an incredible gift--freedom. Freedom to explore who I really am and what I really want out of life.

You know that moment when you jump off the high diving board? You go down to the depths and push off the bottom of the pool and eventually pop up into the air and can breathe again? I was unwillingly pushed off, but I have survived the journey back to the surface.

I am free.

I am happy.

I can breathe again.

I'm so very thankful to be here.

Musings on dating

Hi, Friends!

I bet you've been wondering what I'm up to. I've been getting the kids settled into going to a traditional school for the first time in their lives, I've started going to church, and I've been making new friends.

Part of my road to healing has been joining a Divorce Care group. This week's session was on New Relationships. The information presented was really eye-opening for me. Most second marriages fail within the first five years. The statistics are even worse for third and fourth marriages.

The video showed an interview with a couple who married shortly after their divorces were final. They went from never having an argument while dating, to having a hellish marriage. Their marriage survived but it sounds like it was awful.

After our meeting a group of us went out to eat, and I started talking to my friend who helps facilitate the group. I didn't realize that she had been divorced twice. J met her second husband in church. Her children and Christian friends thought it was a good idea for her marry the man. Even so, the marriage was horrible and she ended up going through a second divorce.

Up until last night I thought I was just about ready to start dating.

Nope. Not happening.

That cute guy in the divorce group? I've mentally moved him into The Friend Zone. That less cute, but still attractive guy? Buddies. Strictly Buddies.

I've realized that I'm just not in a place to start dating. Sigh. On the other hand, that makes it easier to maintain my position as The Chaste Divorcee.

My anniversary

Today is a special day for me.

Today's date marks the second anniversary since my ex-husband and I separated. His verbal and emotional abuse had been ramping up for years, but it was completely over the top on our last vacation together. We took what should have been a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime trip with all our children--a cruise to Alaska on one of the better cruise lines with really nice cabins. We were supposed to be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.

Instead of a happy, romantic adventure there was anger and unhappiness. No matter what I did, my husband was mad at me. No matter what the kids did, he was upset. The kids started avoiding him. While I didn't actively avoid him, I did not go out of my way to seek him out. Which made him ever more angry at me.

Then to cap off the ugliness of this vacation, when we got on the plane to return home, they were oversold. At the last minute, one more person boarded and the only seat left was in first class. The flight attendants pulled out their lists of frequent flyers and offered the first class seat to my husband. Without a word to me, he jumped up and moved to first class leaving me to sit next to the man who had boarded late. Happy anniversary.

As soon as we got back home, my husband left early the next day to go on an out-of-town work trip. Over the course of the next couple of days, I thought long and hard about my life and my marriage. I remembered the three times my husband had hit our children in anger, and I thought about how miserable our "joyous" vacation had been. I made the decision to ask him to move out for awhile so that I could have some space and time to fully assess the situation.

When my husband came back from his work trip, I handed him his (still packed from vacation) suitcase and asked him to go away. He got angry and cursed at me and told the children that I was a terrible wife and mother. But he left. I'm so very thankful he left without violence.

Three months after he moved out, I filed for divorce.

Is your husband/wife/significant other verbally or emotionally abusive to you or your children? Check out the links in the top left column. Share them with a friend who you suspect of being a victim of abuse. I'm so very glad that I'm not living that life any more. No one should live like that.

Another example of the messed up family court system

Here's my problem with family court. There's no rhyme or reason to it. There's no way of figuring out what kind of crazy thing is going to happen next.

Here's an article about a woman who doesn't want her children to have visitation with their step-mother. Her reason is valid--the step-mother murdered her own children. But according to Commissioner Leonid Ponomarchuk it's no big deal. The bio-Dad of these kids has hidden from Mom the fact that they've been hanging out with a child murderer. And she hasn't killed them so far.  So, it's perfectly fine.


Check it out.

Yesterday. . . .

Yesterday would have been my 27th anniversary were I still married.

But I'm not married anymore.  It felt. . . .odd.

On the one hand, I'm so glad to be free from my abuser.  He made my life so unhappy in so many ways.  I'm very, very happy that I'm no longer married to that man.

But on the other hand, I have been blessed with five children who are the fruit of that marriage.  Had I never married that man, I would not have these particular children.  They bring such joy to my life.  They are the good thing that came out of that horrible experience.

The sorrow and pain of the past weigh me down.

The blessing of motherhood lifts me up.

I feel odd.