tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14853479779098740502023-11-16T10:49:09.034-06:00The Chaste DivorceeLiza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-87725189157196643162012-11-24T10:17:00.003-06:002012-11-24T10:17:52.976-06:00New BlogHere's the link to my new blog. Thanks for reading!<br />
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<a href="http://www.thenewelizabeth.com/">The New Elizabeth</a>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-48464983044749559852012-11-13T12:21:00.002-06:002012-11-13T12:22:17.513-06:00The End... And a New BeginningToday is the 3rd anniversary of when my divorce was filed, so I'm checking in here. I'm sure that all 14 of my followers have been wondering what's going on since I simply haven't been around. You'll be happy to know that I've been moving on, making new friends, and finding new activities to keep me busy. <br />
<br />
The angst of dealing with a narcissist has mostly dissipated since I don't have any regular dealings with my ex-husband any more. If I recall correctly, the last time he saw the boys was in May. <br />
<br />
After a great deal of thought, I have decided that it's time to formally end writing on this blog and begin a new one. I'm still trying to get up to speed with the technical side of things, but my new blog is called The New Elizabeth. I'll be back to post a link once I get the blog up and running.<br />
<br />
Thanks for reading and following along in my journey. <br />
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<br />Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-27337687163259439632012-03-31T10:05:00.001-05:002012-03-31T10:05:26.945-05:00Happy Divorce-aversary to Me!I'm still alive. Really.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my divorce. They (whoever they are), say that the first year is always the hardest after a major life change. I mostly agree with them. I feel like I've been marking time waiting for this year to end.<br />
<br />
I was anticipating the end of the first year with great joy. I'm so happy to be free of my ex-husband. But on the day before the divorce-aversary I ended up feeling really, really sad.<br />
<br />
When I got married I expected it to end when one of us died.<i> </i>I wanted to be the little old lady walking hand-in-hand with a little old man and smiling at the antics of our great-grandchildren.<br />
<br />
It will never happen.<br />
<br />
My life is not what I planned. I know that God isn't surprised, but<i> I </i>sure am.<br />
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How did I "celebrate" my divorce-aversary? This year I treated myself to a spa day. I had a facial AND a massage AND a salt scrub seaweed mud bath thingy. I felt totally pampered. It was a good day after all.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-52665238166538075022011-12-29T18:13:00.000-06:002011-12-29T18:13:40.136-06:00Ha ha ha ha haaaaYou won't believe what happened to me today....<div>
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<div>
Some random dude at the Whole Foods Market asked for my phone number. Bwaaa haaa haaa haaa! </div>
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When I first walked into the store, he told me I looked familiar and asked if my name was Cindy. I said no. Later on, when I was checking out, I ended up behind the same guy in the line. I couldn't help myself and asked him how tall he is. The guy said that he's 4'30".</div>
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<br /></div>
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I guess the fact that I was able to do the mental math impressed him and as he was getting finished, he introduced himself asked for my number. I gave it to him (mainly because I have these cute little cards that only have my name, cell phone number, and email address).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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I refrained from telling him that I have an insane ex-husband, more children than a normal person could imagine, and that I'm probably ten years older than he is. I'll probably never hear from him, but it made me feel good. I laughed all the way home. </div>
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Tee hee.</div>
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<br /></div>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-27821996548257517932011-11-25T12:47:00.001-06:002011-11-25T13:14:13.281-06:00I knew this was comingThere's an issue that I knew was going to pop up at some point. And this problem has arrived.<br />
<br />
It's about that whole "Chaste" thing. Yes, I am still living a lifestyle of purity. It's just that I have started to notice that I am a woman again.<br />
<br />
To be perfectly honest, I miss sex. Yeah. A lot. Some days are worse than others.<br />
<br />
During the last several years of my marriage, my sex life was pretty ho-hum. When the relationship is bad, you don't exactly want to spend a lot of time doing <i>that</i> with the jerk. I was depressed. And I had some health problems that were causing a lot of joint pain and muscle aches.<br />
<br />
Today, my health is better than it has been in years. I'm not in constant pain any more. I'm no longer depressed. In fact, I'm pretty cheerful most of the time.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"> I think it helps that I haven't heard a peep out of my ex-husband since the end of September.</span> So now my sex drive is back, but I'm single.<br />
<br />
I know that my children are watching how I handle my sexuality. I always taught them that sex is a wonderful gift, but it's for marriage. They expect me to practice what I preach. <i>I </i>expect me to practice what I preach.<br />
<br />
I hope to marry again someday which means that dating is in my future.<br />
<br />
I'm already thinking about where the boundaries should be.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-79786500104842823402011-09-30T09:39:00.001-05:002011-09-30T09:39:30.263-05:00Six MonthsAs of today, I have been divorced for six months.<br />
<br />
Wow.<br />
<br />
Three years ago I was in a terrible marriage. In October of 2008 my then-husband asked me to meet him at our marriage counselor's office because he had something he wanted to tell me. When I got there, he told me he was moving out of the house.<br />
<br />
That first separation was short, but when he came back home the marriage descended into a hellish pit. By the time I asked him to move out again in August of 2009 I was a wreck. I was on two anti-depressants and barely surviving.<br />
<br />
Today, I feel like I have been given an incredible gift--freedom. Freedom to explore who I <i>really</i> am and what I <i>really</i> want out of life.<br />
<br />
You know that moment when you jump off the high diving board? You go down to the depths and push off the bottom of the pool and eventually pop up into the air and can breathe again? I was unwillingly pushed off, but I have survived the journey back to the surface.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
I am free.</div>
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I am happy.</div>
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I can breathe again.</div>
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I'm so very thankful to be here.</div>
<br />Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-2459627534300909752011-09-29T16:04:00.000-05:002011-09-29T16:04:14.374-05:00Musings on datingHi, Friends! <br />
<br />
I bet you've been wondering what I'm up to. I've been getting the kids settled into going to a traditional school for the first time in their lives, I've started going to church, and I've been making new friends. <br />
<br />
Part of my road to healing has been joining a <a href="http://www.divorcecare.org/">Divorce Care</a> group. This week's session was on New Relationships. The information presented was really eye-opening for me. Most second marriages fail within the first five years. The statistics are even worse for third and fourth marriages.<br />
<br />
The video showed an interview with a couple who married shortly after their divorces were final. They went from never having an argument while dating, to having a hellish marriage. Their marriage survived but it sounds like it was awful.<br />
<br />
After our meeting a group of us went out to eat, and I started talking to my friend who helps facilitate the group. I didn't realize that she had been divorced twice. J met her second husband in church. Her children and Christian friends thought it was a good idea for her marry the man. Even so, the marriage was horrible and she ended up going through a second divorce.<br />
<br />
Up until last night I thought I was just about ready to start dating.<br />
<br />
Nope. Not happening.<br />
<br />
That cute guy in the divorce group? I've mentally moved him into The Friend Zone. That less cute, but still attractive guy? Buddies. Strictly Buddies.<br />
<br />
I've realized that I'm just not in a place to start dating. Sigh. On the other hand, that makes it easier to maintain my position as The <i>Chaste</i> Divorcee.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-49289030085557396992011-08-13T11:39:00.000-05:002011-08-13T11:39:10.734-05:00My anniversaryToday is a special day for me. <br />
<br />
Today's date marks the second anniversary since my ex-husband and I separated. His verbal and emotional abuse had been ramping up for years, but it was completely over the top on our last vacation together. We took what should have been a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime trip with all our children--a cruise to Alaska on one of the better cruise lines with really nice cabins. We were supposed to be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.<br />
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Instead of a happy, romantic adventure there was anger and unhappiness. No matter what I did, my husband was mad at me. No matter what the kids did, he was upset. The kids started avoiding him. While I didn't actively avoid him, I did not go out of my way to seek him out. Which made him ever more angry at me.<br />
<br />
Then to cap off the ugliness of this vacation, when we got on the plane to return home, they were oversold. At the last minute, one more person boarded and the only seat left was in first class. The flight attendants pulled out their lists of frequent flyers and offered the first class seat to my husband. Without a word to me, he jumped up and moved to first class leaving me to sit next to the man who had boarded late. Happy anniversary. <br />
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As soon as we got back home, my husband left early the next day to go on an out-of-town work trip. Over the course of the next couple of days, I thought long and hard about my life and my marriage. I remembered the three times my husband had hit our children in anger, and I thought about how miserable our "joyous" vacation had been. I made the decision to ask him to move out for awhile so that I could have some space and time to fully assess the situation.<br />
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When my husband came back from his work trip, I handed him his (still packed from vacation) suitcase and asked him to go away. He got angry and cursed at me and told the children that I was a terrible wife and mother. But he left. I'm so very thankful he left without violence.<br />
<br />
Three months after he moved out, I filed for divorce.<br />
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Is your husband/wife/significant other verbally or emotionally abusive to you or your children? Check out the links in the top left column. Share them with a friend who you suspect of being a victim of abuse. I'm so very glad that I'm not living that life any more. No one should live like that.<br />
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Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-85878207270939833522011-08-01T14:55:00.001-05:002011-08-01T14:56:36.683-05:00Another example of the messed up family court systemHere's my problem with family court. There's no rhyme or reason to it. There's no way of figuring out what kind of crazy thing is going to happen next.<br />
<br />
Here's an article about a woman who doesn't want her children to have visitation with their step-mother. Her reason is valid--the step-mother murdered her own children. But according to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Commissioner Leonid Ponomarchuk it's no big deal. The bio-Dad of these kids has hidden from Mom the fact that they've been hanging out with a child murderer. And she hasn't killed them <i>so far.</i> So, it's perfectly fine.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.king5.com/home/Woman-who-killed-children-at-center-of-custody-fight-126490138.html">Check it out.</a></span>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-42204586230355196812011-07-22T19:46:00.000-05:002011-07-22T19:46:18.245-05:00Yesterday. . . .Yesterday would have been my 27th anniversary were I still married.<br />
<br />
But I'm not married anymore. It felt. . . .odd.<br />
<br />
On the one hand, I'm so glad to be free from my abuser. He made my life so unhappy in so many ways. I'm very, very happy that I'm no longer married to that man.<br />
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But on the other hand, I have been blessed with five children who are the fruit of that marriage. Had I never married that man, I would not have these particular children. They bring such joy to my life. They are the good thing that came out of that horrible experience.<br />
<br />
The sorrow and pain of the past weigh me down.<br />
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The blessing of motherhood lifts me up.<br />
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I feel odd.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-789182245756966592011-07-15T14:00:00.000-05:002011-07-15T14:00:00.382-05:00Here's my problem with family courtThis is a summary of what's going on with my friend Mr. M and his blog that has been order off the internet.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #77091d; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Firm Contact: Kevin J. Handy<br />
khandy@cooleyhandy.com/215-345-8000</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;"><strong>Divorced Father Challenges Judge’s Order Forcing him to Take Down Anonymous Website and Blog About his Ex-Wife and Divorce on First Amendment Grounds.</strong></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;"><em>Divorced Father Claims that Bucks County, Pennsylvania Judge’s Order Requiring him to Take Down a Website called “thepsychoexwife.com” and Prohibiting him from Ever Mentioning his Ex-Wife or Children on any Public Media in the Future is an Unconstitutional and Unenforceable Restraint on Free Speech.</em></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Doylestown, PA (July 11, 2011) – A divorced father is challenging an order entered by a judge in Bucks County, Pennsylvania requiring him to take down a website on which he writes about his ex-wife, his divorce and his custody case. Although the website has the unflattering name domain name “thepychoexwife.com,” all of father’s posts to the website about his ex-wife and his cases are anonymous. According to the father, his ex-wife discovered the website accidentally while researching child support issues involving orthodontic treatment on the Internet and the website appeared high in the search rankings. The ex-wife apparently recognized the content of some of her e-mails, which were posted in a redacted format on the website. Shortly thereafter, the ex-wife asked the court to order the website shut down.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Despite the website’s name, the content of the website is not limited to the divorced father’s posts about his ex-wife and divorce. The website, which is actually owned and controlled by father’s girlfriend, also includes a significant amount of other materials, including discussion forums and resources aimed at helping individuals cope with the difficult issues that arise in divorce and custody cases. According to the divorced father, the website receives over two hundred thousand visitors per month.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Although the website initially started out as a way for father to vent about his divorce and ex-wife, it quickly transformed into a community forum intended to help others going through similarly difficult and emotionally challenging divorces and custody cases. According to the father:</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #550615; font-style: italic;"></span></div><blockquote><em style="background-color: #fce5cd;">The site is intended to help people in similar situations. I always felt like no one really knew or quite understood the level of chaos that existed in my life, and the website was a way to express it without burdening others with such horror or having to explain and re-explain myself. I felt that it was a way for me to tell the truth of my experiences but to no one in particular.</em><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #fce5cd;">That is why I started posting to the site in January of 2008. Soon thereafter, I started getting an incredible amount of feedback from people going through similar situations that felt as isolated as I did. That is when the site took on a more meaningful purpose, letting others know that they are not alone in their difficulties. I pray that realization prevents them from feeling trapped like I did. At the time, I felt that I had nowhere to turn. Had I discovered a place like this a long time ago, I may have been compelled to make better choices earlier in my relationship and case. Maybe I would have been more honest with myself and with others about what I was going through and gotten help and guidance sooner for my children and myself.</span></em></blockquote><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #77091d; font-style: normal;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Despite the website’s apparent popularity and inclusion of unrelated content, a judge and former district attorney in Bucks County, Pennsylvania summarily ordered it shut down on June 6, 2011 without a hearing or testimony. The specific language of the order, entered by the Hon. Diane E. Gibbons states that “Father shall take down that website and shall never on any public media make any reference to mother at all, nor any reference to the relationship between mother and children, nor shall he make any reference to his children other than ‘happy birthday’ or other significant events.”</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Father and his girlfriend have appealed the judge’s order to the Superior Court of Pennsylvania claiming that the judge’s order violates the rights guaranteed them under the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">“The judge’s order is a classic example of an overly broad and unenforceable prior restraint on free speech” according to the father’s attorney, Kevin J. Handy, a partner at the Doylestown law firm of Cooley & Handy. “The order is constitutionally over broad because it clearly prohibits speech that is protected by the First Amendment.”</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Although the precise reasoning behind the judge’s order is unclear, the judge presumably issued the order in an attempt to shield the parties’ children from father’s complaints about his ex-wife. There was no evidence presented at the hearing, however, that the children had even seen the website, let alone were harmed by it.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">“Even assuming that the court could shield the children from exposure to father’s comments on the website in a constitutionally acceptable manner, which is big assumption, there are many less drastic ways for the court to accomplish that goal without shutting down an entire website. For example, the court could have simply ordered ex-wife to monitor her children’s Internet usage.” according to Mr. Handy. “In the context of the First Amendment, the Supreme Court requires the Government to ‘narrowly tailor” orders restricting speech. The court cannot use an axe where a scalpel will due.”</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Father also claims that he never intended for his children to read his posts and that they were directed at other adults going through similar situations.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Mr. Handy points out that the order was issued just in advance the U.S. Supreme Court’s June 27, 2011 decision in Brown v. Entertainment Merchants Association, in which the Court, in striking down California’s ban on the sale of violent video games to minors, reaffirmed the principle that the Government may not restrict otherwise constitutionally protected speech for the ostensible purpose of protecting children.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">“Time and time again,” Mr. Handy notes, “the Supreme Court has reiterated that courts and the Government may not reduce the adult population to only what is fit for children.”</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Judges in custody cases often enter orders that purport to restrict what one or both parents may say to each other or around their children. Those provisions, however, are rarely challenged or enforced. In the past, complaints by spouses about their exes were generally limited to conversations with family and friends. The Internet and the ability to post negative comments about ex-spouses indefinitely on social media such as Facebook, Twitter or personal blogs, however, has increased awareness of the issue and the perceived problem.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">In 2008, a judge in Vermont in a comparable case ordered a man to take down “any and all Internet postings” about his ex-wife. The judge, however, subsequently reversed himself after the man raised similar First Amendment issues. The case was Garrido v. Kranansky.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">“Individuals involved in divorces or custody disputes have no less constitutional rights than other individuals,” claims Mr. Handy. “A judge may no more restrict a parent’s right to free speech that she subjectively finds objectionable than the government can for any other group or individual.”</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">Cooley & Handy represents individuals in personal injury, class action, divorce, custody, and other litigation in Bucks, Montgomery and Philadelphia Counties and throughout Pennsylvania.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 4px; text-align: justify;">© 7/12/11 Cooley & Handy</div>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-60296040444771563132011-06-16T15:23:00.000-05:002011-06-16T15:23:15.458-05:00Family CourtMost of my friends have had little to do with family court. Congratulations. It's a strange place.<br />
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It's been nearly two years since I separated from my husband. I've learned more about family law and family court that I ever wanted to know. For instance, I've learned that an abusive ex-spouse can continue their abuse through the court system.<br />
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I've also learned that justice isn't necessarily just.<br />
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Let me tell you about my friends, Mister-M and DW. Mister-M is the author of a blog called The Psycho Ex-Wife. Here's his description of the blog.<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><i>"The Psycho Ex Wife is the story about a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who is strongly suspected of suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband's new partner. It is based on true events. . . .</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>We hope that by sharing this story, we will effect change in the divorce cartel. We don't sugarcoat issues, although we do try to protect the innocent. You will read actual e-mails, transcripts, false child abuse charges, and custody evaluations, the result of over $80,000 in legal fees (not including the psycho ex wife's legal bills) and 4-years of litigation."</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Mister-M's blog is not so different from my own. He began anonymously writing on the internet about what had happened to cause the end of his marriage, and then continued on writing about the events of his life. Just like me. He never used real names or photos of anyone involved. Just like me. I don't know what part of the country he lives in or even what time zone he's in. It's all very anonymous.<br />
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But now his blog has been shut down by a judge.<br />
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I guess the reason this upsets me is because I'm afraid that will BE me someday. Maybe Mister-M went too far. I don't know for sure. All I know for sure is that I learned a tremendous amount from his experiences in dealing with an extremely difficult ex-spouse. And I don't want to lose that resource. And I want it to be there for other people who have an extremely difficult ex-spouse.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-5909072958410356992011-06-15T14:59:00.000-05:002011-06-15T14:59:37.016-05:00Freedom of Speech in the blogosphereThis is the first in a series of posts I will be writing about a situation that is going on with a fellow blogger. The situation is simply too long and complicated to put in a single post. I hope you will stick around over the next few days.<br />
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The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America says:<br />
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<i>Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.</i><br />
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Freedom of speech. . . it's something that citizens of the good ol' USA hold dear. Over the past 235 years many men and women have fought and died to preserve the rights of citizens to proclaim truth. The freedom to speak or publish your own ideas and opinions is central to American culture. It's a freedom that we don't always appreciate until we see it threatened.<br />
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One of our founding fathers, James Madison, had this to say, "I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." <br />
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Today, I'm here to report to you a "gradual and silent encroachment" on this freedom by none other than...a court of law. <br />
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Yes. A fellow blogger has been ordered by a judge to take down his anonymous blog and to make sure that it cannot be found online by search engines. <br />
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And if this blogger cannot do this impossible task, the judge may find him in contempt and throw him in jail.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-43673359952362237322011-04-14T19:54:00.000-05:002011-04-14T19:54:30.838-05:00Good news/Bad newsI just learned some very good news for this week. My ex-husband will be going out of town this weekend to participate in special event on Monday. This is one of his long-term goals, so he will be on his very best behavior to make sure it happens for him.<br />
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The bad news? When he gets back from his trip, he will experience the natural let-down that people have after achieving a major life goal. I'm thinking about leaving town for a few days next week.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-45435680642128766522011-04-14T13:47:00.000-05:002011-04-14T13:47:41.260-05:00Why Does He DO That?I'm reading a very interesting and helpful book - <i>Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men</i> by Lundy Bancroft.*<br />
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Bancroft spent many years working with this type of man and gained considerable insight into their thought processes. Interestingly, he always attempted to maintain contact with the wives and girlfriends of the men he counseled so he could get both sides of the story. Much of this book resonates with me.<br />
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Bancroft says that there are many types of controlling men and many myths surrounding the abusive man. He believes that the heart of the matter is not the man's past or his struggles with mental illness or drug and alcohol abuse. Instead, Bancroft's position is that a man's thought processes are what leads to angry and controlling behavior.<br />
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What are these thought processes that lead to abuse? Bancroft lists ten realities that together make up the abusive mentality.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">Reality #1 - He is controlling.</div><br />
This is my ex-husband in spades. He believed that he had a right to control me. Bancroft says that most controlling men don't try to control everything about their partner, but they stake out specific areas to control. My ex-husband once gave me a two-page list of tasks that he expected me to do every day. Included in that list was that he expected to walk in the door at 6pm every evening and find a hot, tasty meal ready and waiting. If it didn't happen, he was angry. On the other hand, he usually didn't care too much where I went during the day or what the children and I did. As long as we were properly prepared and waiting eagerly for his arrival from work, the rest of the day was mine to control.<br />
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Currently, my ex is trying to exert control by trying to control how I parent the children. He has sent me messages telling me how the children and I should spend our free time. He has tried to make me sign a "contract" involving him and one of our adult children. He is also trying to use the court system to exert greater levels of control over me and the children.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">Reality #2 - He feels entitled.</div><br />
Oh. My. Goodness. THAT'S IT!!! Let me share Bancroft's definition of entitlement - "the abuser's belief that he has a special status and that it provides him with exclusive rights and privileges that do not apply to his partner." My ex-husband believed that as a man, and as the only one earning an income his opinions and his desires were paramount.<br />
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In recent months my ex-husband's feelings of entitlement have taken a huge hit. He was absolutely appalled when he learned that as his wife I was entitled to half of the marital assets. He assumed that everything belonged to him exclusively. He still has not turned everything over to me, and he has only two more weeks to complete the process.<br />
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My ex-husband has always had the mentality that he was special and different from everyone else. And if he receives any recognition for a job well done, his feelings of entitlement rise even higher. As he became more and more successful in his profession, he became increasingly abusive. My experience parallels the experiences Bancroft had in working with abusive men. At one time he had some of his "success stories" speak out publicly about how they overcame their abusive tendencies. In every single case, the men who received recognition reverted to abusive behavior.<br />
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I'll share more about the the thought processes of angry and controlling men another day. If someone in your life exhibits these realities, I'd suggest you get a copy of the book to read.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*Bancroft states several time in his book that he refers to abusers as men because the vast majority of them ARE men, and the vast majority of their victims are women. He agrees that in a few rare cases women are the abusers and their male partner is the victim. Additionally, in the homosexual community both men and women may be abused by their same-sex partner, and he addresses some of the issues that are unique to same-sex relationships.</span>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-56247042875748781682011-04-12T09:08:00.000-05:002011-04-12T09:08:17.161-05:00I have nothing to lose!That's a line in an email sent to me recently by my ex-husband. He says that he has nothing to lose. He also said that he's planning to report me for child neglect and endangerment.* As you can imagine, I'm not sure how to respond. <br />
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My attorney is concerned for my safety. Men who have nothing to lose have been known to do desperate things. <br />
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A couple of years ago, my oldest daughter read <i>The Gift of Fear</i> by Gavin de Becker. The author is an expert in assessing risk and determining what steps to take if someone has been threatened. My daughter recommended the book to me, and I read it also. This week, I've had my copy of the book out, trying to determine if I really am in danger.<br />
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Early in my marriage, I made it very clear that physical abuse was right out. Men who hit women should be drawn and quartered. If I was in an intimate relationship with someone who ever hit me, it would be over immediately. That's that. <br />
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My ex-husband has never hit, shoved, or slapped me. He has, however, driven in a reckless manner with an intent to scare or annoy both me and the children. On one occasion I was terrified that the driver of the car next to us would do something violent because of my husband's actions. <br />
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My ex-husband slapped one of the children across her face. He had a horrible habit of poking, kicking, and thumping the children. When they or I complained he always claimed it was an affectionate tap, not done with aggressive intent.<br />
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The day I asked him to move out of the house, I was afraid that he would react violently. I had three of the children leave home, and kept the two tallest ones with me. I had my cell phone in my pocket ready to call 911 if needed.<br />
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That night he got angry, he cursed me, and he yelled insults to me and about me to the children. He told them that I am a horrible mother. That's been his recurring theme ever since.<br />
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In assessing my risk <i>The Gift of Fear</i> has been very helpful. There is a 30-point checklist to help me figure out my level of concern. I have gone over that list and my husband has done 14 out of the 30 items. Hmmm.<br />
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In general I am not a fearful person. I think many women are unnecessarily fearful of what may happen. I have never been one to waste my time worrying about possibilities. However, I try not to be heedless. I want to listen to the warnings. I am taking steps. I may or may not post about what I'm doing.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*My two youngest children are 14 and 16. They are both taller than I am, so we're not talking about little kids here.</span>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-73814305901382550442011-04-10T15:34:00.000-05:002011-04-10T15:34:53.163-05:00My new lifeMy divorce is final. I am now officially a divorcee.<br />
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Today I went to mass at my local Catholic church. While I'm not angry at God, I'm certainly disappointed and disillusioned with the evangelical churches in my area and evangelical churches in general. I don't know where I'm going spiritually, but it felt good to hear the word of the Lord and participate in worship.<br />
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Now I need to redecorate my blog and get back to blogging regularly.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-3411560631969203482011-01-25T10:00:00.000-06:002011-01-25T10:00:21.721-06:00Yesterday was "Blue Monday"Supposedly it was the worst day of the year. The days are short and winter seems endless. The Christmas bills are overdue, and the New Year's Resolutions have all been broken. Yuck! <br />
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Sadly, several of my friends and acquaintances are going through some serious troubles, and for a couple of them things came to a head within the last couple of days. <br />
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Me? Things are looking up. <br />
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If all goes according to schedule, my divorce should be final within a month. I'm still having some lingering issues with panicky feelings whenever I get an email from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, so I decided to have a few sessions of individual counseling. The first one was yesterday and I found it very helpful. <br />
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Also, yesterday I bit the bullet and joined the Y. They have water aerobics classes that I can take which will not cause joint pain. They also have exercise bikes that I can use for a modified Couch-to-5K. <br />
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Finally, I'm planning a vacation to take over Spring Break with the kids. We want to go somewhere warm. We've had a cold, snowy winter this year which is unusual for where I live.<br />
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I want to leave you with something that my counselor gave me. He told me that my homework is to read and reflect on it every day. The beginning part will be familiar, but you may have never read the whole thing.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i>"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time,</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>that I may be reasonably happy in this life</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>and supremely happy with Him forever in the next."</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: left;">Reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy forever in the next life sounds like a great plan.</div>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-3381404415340011332011-01-02T08:21:00.000-06:002011-01-02T08:21:58.972-06:00Exercise, ShmexerciseI have realized that Couch-to-5K is not going to work out for me. I love the idea of it. Here's a plan to turn someone from a total couch potato to a regular exerciser. Ready. . . .Go! <br />
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I downloaded a handy dandy podcast from the internet that would tell me when to walk and when to run. I already knew that with my bad joints running wasn't a good idea and that I should just walk really fast instead of running during the running times. <br />
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I put on my walking shoes and headed out the door. It was really cold (for a southerner), but I kept going. I enjoyed my walk and did a good job during the walk-really-fast times. I came home tired but refreshed. Then I sat down. And when I tried to stand up again, it was painful. And the pain in my joints continued for the rest of the day. Ouch. <br />
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Standing at the stove to cook dinner was not a pleasant experience. <br />
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I still hurt this morning. <br />
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Dadgumit. <br />
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I'm still determined to do <i>something</i> that will improve my overall fitness and health, because therein lies happiness. I'll have to ponder it. Any suggestions?Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-63025052104265626762011-01-01T14:53:00.000-06:002011-01-01T14:53:27.077-06:00And, I'm backFirst of the year. <br />
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Time for a fresh start.<br />
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I had lots going on with divorce and other things and dropped off the face of the blogosphere for a month and a half, but I'm back again. I'll be redecorating and then back with a longer post. <br />
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Happy New Year!!Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-3162042183287921522010-11-18T09:14:00.000-06:002010-11-18T09:14:20.317-06:00Health - Part IIFor me, cutting out gluten caused a total turn-around in the direction my health was going. But, there must be more. <br />
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Which brings me to healthy eating. <br />
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Healthy eating is a pain when you are gluten intolerant. All of those standard quick and easy meals that I could through together in my sleep are a thing of the past. I'm still figuring out what and how to prepare food for my family. The difficulty is compounded by the fact that some of my children have food allergies. Sadly, several ingredients that are commons substitutes for wheat are foods that a child is allergic to. <br />
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I have figured out a few tricks to help, though. I've found an excellent gluten-free pasta that we can all eat, and I have succumbed to frozen gluten-free meals. They are expensive, and some of them taste terrible. But on those days when it's an hour past lunch time and I can't decide what (or if) I can eat, a frozen meal gets food in my tummy. The good thing about frozen gluten-free meals is that they are made by companies who care about health. They are usually low in fat and sodium and are often made with organic ingredients. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">If it tastes too awful, I just dump on some shredded cheese to get the ol' fat & salt content up!</span><br />
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Another thing I have found that seems to really help my happiness and health is to take vitamins. <br />
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Good old Vitamin D is the one that the body makes when exposed to the sun. I have fair skin and I'm not very fond of the sun, so my chances of making a lot are pretty small. I've started taking Vitamin D and find that it has a tremendous affect on my emotional well-being.<br />
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I'd suggest that you toddle on down to the local purveyor of vitamins and get some for yourself.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">I am not a physician, nor do I play one on TV. Take all medical advice with a grain of research and speak to your doctor before making substantial changes in your health regime.</span>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-21645474342880112582010-11-16T10:31:00.000-06:002010-11-16T10:31:36.413-06:00Health - Part IEvery. Single. Happiness book I've picked up, says that the road to happiness is paved with healthy choices. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">Exercise. Sleep. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Healthy eating habits.</div><br />
But, I don't wanna exercise!!! I don't like to sweat!!!<br />
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Okay. I got that out of my system. In recent years, a lot of my unhappiness has stemmed from poor health. I had painful joints, painful muscles, and was exhausted. Due to lack of sleep, I felt stupid waaaay too much of the time. At first I attributed it to peri-menopause. When I realized that I was falling asleep at red lights, and that my oldest daughter was living in terror that I was dying of cancer, I knew it was time to get some answers. <br />
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I went to my doctor. He ran lots of tests and sent me for a sleep study. I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and told to sleep on my side. That helped a lot. Later, after additional review of my sleep study, he said that I have restless leg syndrome and gave me medication for it. I also was diagnosed with arthritis, carpal tunnel syndrome, mild Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and depression. My doctor checked me for Fibromyalgia, but didn't think I had enough symptoms for a diagnosis. My gyno put me on low level hormone replacement because my levels were dropping. <br />
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I was taking lots of medications and feeling somewhat better, but I certainly didn't feel healthy. As my marriage spiraled deeper and deeper into the pit, my depression worsened and symptoms of all of the above increased. I went back to my doctor and he put me on a SECOND anti-depressant. <br />
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That second AD was what I needed more than anything. It gave me emotional energy to look at my marriage realistically and see that it was over. <br />
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Even though I was happy to be ending a really bad marriage, many of my symptoms of poor health remained. I realized that I was having tremendous muscle pain and knew that there had to be something more than just arthritis. <br />
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I kept researching the possibilities. Over the past several years, a few of my friends have being diagnosed with Celiac Disease, which is an inability to digest gluten. (Gluten is found in wheat, barley, and rye.) On a whim, I decided to try going gluten free for a while to see if I felt any better. Within just a few days, I felt like a new person. <br />
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That was about nine months ago. <br />
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I don't have an official diagnosis of Celiac Disease and probably never will. With current testing protocols I'd have to go back on gluten for a several months before I could even be tested. It's not worth it. My doctor agrees and told me to stay on the GF diet. <br />
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The best thing about gluten intolerance/Celiac Disease is that the "cure" is to simply stop eating what's making you sick. There's no drugs to take, no surgery to endure. Stop the poison and you feel great.<br />
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The first step on my Happiness Project was identifying and treating my major health problem. It's done and I'm much happier! <br />
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Unfortunately, to continue on the path to good health, I need to do more than just stop eating the bad stuff. Coming soon: More on health.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-69226175460564495762010-11-15T20:53:00.000-06:002010-11-15T20:53:48.237-06:00Doors<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6TJaXFAUGFGcE_f63qeEkX6ckTbdHIR6JIXESI1AoEMkIPZ-4VXyZ0riwkDGbiI1xUmN1E09WT9Y507oFetqlOgsAJaBqLHwPocsOxW6R2cY8cxfPU6emAT5rPmLYM9heoP4mE7wcUyTO/s1600/Doors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6TJaXFAUGFGcE_f63qeEkX6ckTbdHIR6JIXESI1AoEMkIPZ-4VXyZ0riwkDGbiI1xUmN1E09WT9Y507oFetqlOgsAJaBqLHwPocsOxW6R2cY8cxfPU6emAT5rPmLYM9heoP4mE7wcUyTO/s400/Doors.jpg" width="276" /></a></div>It's time for me to start focusing on my happiness project. I'm not sure where I'll go in my search for happiness. I feel like I'm standing at the door, but I'm not quite ready to open it.<br />
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What is happiness?<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">How will I find it?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: right;">Will I find it?</div><div style="text-align: right;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">These are the kinds of questions I'm asking myself as I try to figure out the future.</div>Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-28390109853737117062010-11-14T11:36:00.000-06:002010-11-14T11:36:48.227-06:00KeflooeyThe legal mess that is my divorce is in a state of kerflooey-ness.<br />
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I have wisely chosen to go into full-on midlife crisis and denial, and left my teens and young adults home to fend for themselves for 24 hours so I could go to lunch in another city with my middle-aged girlfriends. I had a marvelous time! <br />
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We ate burgers and gourmet popsicles and talked. And talked. And talked. <br />
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Then I came home and promptly dropped my contact lens down the bathroom sink. Oopsy. I wear disposables and that was the last one for that eye. I was overdue an eye exam anyway, so I'll be toddling off to the ophthalmologist as soon as I can get an appointment. <br />
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In the meantime, I think I'm going to look for my bifocals. I know they're around here somewhere. <br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Today I sound a bit like my dear friend Nota Supermom. You can find her blog listed over there in my favorite blog list.)</span><br />
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Since I don't have much to write about today, I'll leave you with the link to <a href="http://www.jenbutneverjenn.com/2010/05/welcome-to-50s-housewife-experiment.html">The 50s Housewife Experiment.</a> It's a blog written by Jen (not Jenn). She spent two weeks following advice written to new brides from books and magazines of the 50s and wrote about the experience.<br />
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My mother-in-law was a new bride in the 1950s and that was her life. I suspect that she was a perfect 50s housewife. While there are many good things about that lifestyle, it doesn't work when the husband is abusive. This is also the life that my soon-to-be-ex-husband wanted and expected to have when we got married. Minus the weird jello molds.Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1485347977909874050.post-10362705585635800672010-11-10T22:34:00.000-06:002010-11-10T22:34:07.909-06:00Out of touch with reality<!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">I’ve been there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">Have you ever tried desperately to convince yourself that life was just fine because if it wasn’t, then you were going to have to make some major decisions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">Even worse, have you ever been the victim of someone else’s delusions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">Here’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">Several years ago my family walked into church one Sunday morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our pastor gave a wonderful sermon about the relationship between husbands and wives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">In both Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 we are told that wives are to submit to their husbands, and that husbands are to love their wives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The point that the pastor was trying to make, was that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said that he has never seen a wife have a hard time submitting to her husband when he loves her with a sacrificial love—the same kind of love that Christ has for His church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">I wondered how my husband would handle this message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hoped that he would take it to heart and begin showing at least a little bit of love towards me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">Instead, his response to this message was that since the command to the wife to submit comes first, he wasn’t going to have to love me until he was satisfied with my level of obedience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was shocked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The children who heard his comments were aghast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">My husband wanted so much to hear reasons that justified his bad behavior that he honestly didn’t “get it” when the pastor called him to love his wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">He was out of touch with reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div><!--EndFragment-->Liza Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06250127757379339929noreply@blogger.com0