Monday, November 8, 2010

Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Well, not videotape.

Since the title of this blog is "The Chaste Divorcee" I knew I was going to have to address sex at some point, and here I am.

Last night I had a dream about sex.  In my dream, my soon-to-be-ex-husband and I were still together.  We had apparently bought a different house from the one we lived in as a married couple and he wanted to have sex.

There was the beginning of some hanky panky, and I was trying to get him to move to a room with appropriate privacy.  I said something about the neighbors. Then I looked out the window and realized that the houses I could see were unoccupied and the walls had holes.  I looked more and saw that all the houses surrounding our nice new house were damaged and falling apart.  Then, like all dreams, the scene changed and I went on to something new.  The new dream was about music.

Now I could get all philosophical and say that the broken houses represent my broken dreams.  Maybe they do.  But, I think that the most important thing to remember here is that I went on to something new.  Yes, I dreamed about sex, but I'm not going to dwell on it.  Sex isn't happening.

I know there are people who would encourage the woman who has no opportunity for sex, to try masturbation.  I don't agree.  In my marriage, I found that the more often I had sex, the more I wanted it.  If we went through a dry spell or my husband was gone away on business for too long, it took a while to rev those engines back up.

In my marriage, the sex was pretty good and we had sex right up until I asked stbxh to leave.  The sex wasn't worth the lies.  He lied about his faith (or lack thereof) in God.  He lied about his feelings about The Other Woman.  He lies to me and about me regularly.

I'd rather have no sex and no lies.

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.  
          ~Austin O'Malley

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